You know that saying, “If they can put a man on the moon, then why can’t they…”? Well, if they have figured out how to put a man on the moon, why hasn’t someone figured out how to make comfortable underwear?

I don’t know about you guys, but us ladies have the oddest choices in undies. It runs the gamut between granny panties and thongs. We all pretend we don’t have any granny panties, but come on, most of us have a pair or two crumpled up in the back of our underwear drawer.

I bet you will find some boy shorts too, in that drawer. Who thought of those? They were all the rage for a minute and I still have a pair or two. I think I stopped wearing them about the time my husband was helping me fold our laundry, and he accidentally put them in his pile.

And I can honestly say I do not get thongs. Of course I tried them, back when they first came on the scene. And I even laughed when other women would say they were uncomfortable. I was working on being cool, and thong underwear were cool. That’s probably why I’m hanging onto the dozen or so I never wear anymore.

My go-to is a classic pair of bikini briefs. Bikini brief is a nice way of saying they are sexy, ie: bikini, yet comfy, ie: brief. And sometimes they are almost comfortable. The kind with the elastic in the legs stay put the best, but then you get those unsightly panty lines. I didn’t even know I was supposed to worry about panty lines until I was out with a friend and she rolled her eyes at a lady with an obvious butt outline under her slacks.

So I switched to the kind with the “soft” leg opening. The smart people at Fruit of the Loom, or whoever it was, figured out a way to make panties without elastic in the legs. Yep, they do look better, but try sitting, walking or movement of any kind and they will migrate right to the middle of your business.

Yesterday I was in Home Depot and was dealing with just said occasion. When I turned around a guy was staring at me. Great. Don’t judge buddy, I’ve seen your kind make “adjustments” too.

And before you suggest it, yes, I’ve tried the au natural route, or as you guys like to say, “commando”. It works for certain situations, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like a good everyday choice.

So what’s the answer? How do we get engineers to figure out how to comfortably cover our moons?

These are the important things I ponder at 58. But now I think it’s time I go clean out my underwear drawer.

I hate creepy underwear