I’ve had a lot of jobs in my life, and I can honestly say I believe I can do anything I put my mind to. John says I throw myself 100% into whatever I’m doing, and I have to agree with him.
But the best job I ever had is being a Mom. It is the most rewarding, and also the most challenging. When my first child was born, I thought I was going to take a few weeks off, and then go back to work.
But one night, when he was just a couple days old, as I was holding him and rocking him back to sleep I looked down at my beautiful little child. I knew in my heart there would be no way I could leave him and go back to my job.
This was my job now. I was 24 and my life changed forever in that moment.
My sons are grown men now, and I’m deeply proud of both of them. We are very close and have shared so much joy and laughter together.
But I am now going through a new phase as a mother I thought I never would. That beautiful baby I held when I was 24 is now enduring his biggest challenge.
I have always been the person who will do what it takes to find the answer and make things better. But, I can’t seem to do that this time. For the last year I have watched him struggle daily with non-stop pain, and I can’t fix it.
I can’t give him a baby aspirin or put a cool compress on his forehead. I can’t hold him and tell him everything will be okay. All I can do is be here for him and watch him cope with pain and uncertainty. And that makes me feel like I am failing at my job.
What do you do as a parent, when you can’t fix it for your child? Every day I keep searching for the answer. I look at the entire situation and search the Internet and think of it as a puzzle that just needs one more piece so I can see what to do. There has to be an answer.
When he was just under a year old, he had a grand mal seizure in my lap. I watched my baby turn blue as he shook and stiffened. I remember thinking there was no way in hell I was going to let him go.
Nothing has changed. There is no way in hell I am going to let my son go through this alone. I have you son. I’m here for you.
Failure is not an option.