For several years now, I’ve had numerous people tell me I should write a book. They read or hear stories of my life, and then proclaim I need to write about it.
I usually smile and say thank you, but inside, my only thought is, “I don’t know how to write a book.” So I don’t do anything with their advice.
From the time I can remember I’ve taken most people’s counsel to heart and even felt a sense of “obligation” that I should follow through with their guidance. Which for most of my life has created a sense of pandemonium in my brain.
And that’s probably why I’ve also felt the need to journal.
Writing things down separates out the things I think I’m supposed to do from the things I want to do. Or at least defines the things I don’t want to do.
In trying to figure out career paths or job opportunities, I used to ask myself, “What can I do?” When I finally figured out I can do almost anything, a better question came to mind.
“What do I want to do?”
So circling back to the beginning of this post my question to myself shouldl be, “Do I want to write a book?”
And that’s where the dilemma comes in.
On one hand, I do want to compose a book because I have a need to not only tell my story, but also get recognition for doing so. There I said it.
I’ve come to realize recognition is important to me. Maybe because I’m the 11th of 13 children, and got the amount of attention commensurate with that number? Or maybe it’s just the way I’m wired?
Doesn’t really matter why just as long as I know it to be true… and own it.
And then on the other hand, I don’t want to write a book because I’m afraid.
I am terrified that I will fail miserably. I have no formal education (one of my standard lines for just about everything I do). And I honestly don’t know the first thing about writing a book.
How do I begin when I don’t know where the beginning is?
So here I sit wondering which want I want more? We say we want to do things all the time, but then don’t seem to accomplish many goals. So how badly did we actually want those things?
How badly do I want to write a book?
Right, I know, I’m not really asking you to answer that question. It’s one only I can resolve. So instead of making a big declaration here and proclaiming I intend to write my book this year, I’m going to sit with it for a bit.
Time to do some research and figure out which want I really want.