Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

From kindness to criticism

Yesterday I did my usual Wednesday video for the blog. Each week I post a “Let’s do this together” video, picking a theme I want to share. This week’s theme was “kindness”.

If you’ve been following me at all, you also know that I am sharing my authentic self.

Some days I have makeup on and I’m dressed well. Other days I don’t wear any makeup and I have my hair in a scrunchy.

The idea is to stop this nonsense on social media that we have to look or be a certain way. This is so prevalent that many women and men feel either pressure or somehow “less than” when they don’t measure up to everyone else.

So I let it all hang out, so to speak. At first I was scared to do it, but once I did, it was freeing. Now it’s easy and I don’t stress over it at all.

I knew that I could be setting myself up for criticism but until yesterday, I’ve experienced amazing support and cheers from all. Like I said, until yesterday.

In my video, I had no face makeup on and my hair in a towel. Honestly, I made the video when I had the time, which was when I was at my desk putting on some mascara for the day.

I was criticized  for showing my red face online

My face was red because on Monday, I visited my girlfriend and she did some needle abrasion on my skin. It’s a great way to “aerate” the skin and give it a chance to stimulate collagen.

I explained why my skin was red and then went on to talk about my experience with my train ride. I’d witnessed kindness from most of the people sandwiched in an overbooked train, and was proud of my fellow humans.

I got a lot of great comments and likes and views and then last night a new comment popped up. I can’t recall the exact words, because after I read it, I deleted it. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

The comment said something like; I thought you weren’t afraid of turning 60? You look terrible.

My initial reaction was, “Wow, thanks”. And like too many other times, I let it bother me for a bit. I wish I could say it didn’t bother me at all, but that’s not being honest. I was stunned at first, then angry. So I deleted the comment.

But a part of me wishes I hadn’t. The rebel in me wants to challenge the statement.

Why is taking care of oneself construed as fear? Why does it bother you that I have a red face? And why is a red face seen as “terrible”? Why would you be compelled to criticize?

But then I remembered trying to get someone to see a different point of view online is almost impossible. And I also know from experience that those kinds of comments are made to antagonize, instead of open up a true conversation.

So instead, my way to deal with it is to write about it.

What do you do to deal with criticism? What would you have done in my shoes?

13 Comments

  1. To me, it’s what’s inside that’s waaaay more important than the physical. It’s the “meat” to the sandwich 😉 I’ve also received critical comments on my blog. If they’re personal attacks then I delete them as they’re not furthering the conversation.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-01-18 at 11:26

      So true…personal attacks definitely show the attackers “meat”! Thanks Christy.

  2. Gosh, I would have done the exact same thing and felt those same emotions. I’ll never understand why people feel compelled to put others down and criticize! Didn’t their mother ever teach them that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all?!

    Julie

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-01-19 at 07:48

      I think it comes from their own insecurities and pain….just gets manifested to others!

  3. Kathryn Aebig

    2018-01-18 at 12:44

    I admire you for your confidence. Women are terrible to one another, whether it is meant to be hurtful or just inconsiderate. Continue being you because you are making a difference!

  4. It’s so difficult to know what to do when someone makes a personal attack against us. It sounds like you handled it with class.

  5. My daughter started a YouTube channel when she was in the 7th grade. She began getting mean comments from one of her little friends from school. The girl in question had been bullied at home by older sisters and now was bullying Brooke. We talked about how people who don’t feel good about themselves lash out and try to hurt others. As her following grew, she became used to the occasional snipe. Fast forward to Mama’s first hate. Roger and I had done a photo shoot for a brand—it was my first brand work, and we had gone all out with photos and a post—I loved it, the client loved it and I was getting lots of nice comments and shares. Out of the woodwork came two trolls who wrote back and forth to one another about how annoying I was. Brooke sat me down and said “Mamma, if you are going to do this you’ve got to know haters gonna hate, that’s what they do. I know it feels awful but you guys need to keep going, especially if you love what you do.” That was a year and a half ago, and since then I have not received another. Knock on wood. I love your posts and your videos and your beautiful smile. Don’t let someone who is wounded wound you.send them a prayer, delete their negativity, and make another video.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-01-20 at 09:24

      Nina, your comment gave me goosebumps…

      You raised a wonderful wise woman and your advice and hers will stay with me. Thank you.

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