Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Introducing The Online Dating Coach

When John told me he was dating someone else, I wasn’t surprised. I could tell from our very first meeting at Starbucks that he’d been on many such meet and greets.

He was tall, dark and handsome, smart and witty. And I had been online dating long enough to know he was a rare find indeed. But just because he was one of few, that didn’t mean I wanted to jump into an intimate relationship with him.

So someone else did.

And I was okay with that too. We saw each other every week and chatted daily. We had a wonderful ease with each other, and I knew that was atypical for both of us.

John was intrigued that I was an editor and asked if he could send his columns to me to go over before forwarding them on to his newspaper editor. The very first column he sent me was on July 14, 2011, just three days after we met.

And it was about giving in to sex early on, and exclusivity.

I had to laugh when I read it, because it was exactly what we had discussed that very week. This became a theme with us. We would talk about what was going on in our (separate) dating lives, and those conversations would end up in his columns.

He also wrote about us, and what was happening in our relationship. But he didn’t really know he was doing it. Each week he would send me his column and I would proof it, offer suggestions and send it back.

John continued to date Betty at the coast and I started dating Mike the pilot. John would come over at least once a week and we would sit outside on my deck enjoying a glass of wine together and sharing dating stories.

We were also sharing our life stories together.

I was keeping my emotional distance from him although there was one day he came over so I could take some better photos of him for his column. He had a dark spot on the bridge of his nose from his glasses and I offered to put a little bit of cover-up on it so it would look better in the photo.

He sat on a chair and I leaned over to apply the cover-up feeling my heart beat just a bit faster. It was all I could do to finish and move away so I could breathe again.

Dang stupid heartstrings anyway.

John P. Gavin - The Online Dating Coach

This was one of the photos I took of John. He hated it. Mainly because he had shaved his facial hair and said “it’s just not me”.

After taking his photos I sent him on his way. I’d had about enough of those dangerous emotions and texted Mike to see if he wanted to come over and play tennis with me.

 

John gave advice to me, and I gave advice to him….and then he wrote about it.

Look for John’s weekly column posted here every Friday. Our story will unfold from both of our perspectives.

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” -Gloria Steinem

8 Comments

  1. They do say that being friends first can build a stronger relationship later. It obviously worked for you two.

  2. Loretta,

    Love reading about your life and relationships! Isn’t it funny how when the real deal comes along it can be scary and cause us to pause or push back!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-07-26 at 18:22

      It is Julie…by this point, John and I had both experienced way too many failures and heartaches. Why go there again?!

  3. I think you both have to be ready for a relationship, and sometimes you do meet the right person, but it’s just not the right time.

  4. I am digging this blog post!!!!

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