Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Picking up the pieces

Getting a divorce after 18 years of marriage and having two kids is not an easy thing to do.

                          And it hurts. A lot. For everyone involved.

For that reason, it was extremely important for us to try everything we could to repair our marriage. I’m proud of the fact that we tried to find the answers, for years. It was no easy decision to end it and wasn’t taken lightly by either of us. But once the decision was finally made, a new set of problems arose.

Up to that moment, my entire adult life was spent building a life with someone. Everything I did revolved around “us”. Where should we live, what house should we buy, what school is best for our kids, where do we want to go on vacation….my view was always about us, not me.

All of a sudden I had to change my thinking and direction. Even during the months we were separated but living on the farm, we made sure to allow the other one to go about their personal business. For the first time in 20 years, I had freedom to spend my own time any way I wanted.

We shared custody of the boys, and when it wasn’t my turn to be with them, I went looking for a place to live and spent time with friends. It felt odd to be out looking for a home for just my sons and me. But it was also fun.

It was exciting, mostly because I got to make all of the decisions. And it was a bit scary because, well all of the wrong decisions would be mine as well.

I met a friend through the grade school my boys were going to. It was a tiny little elementary school so it was easy to find and make friends there. But this one was different. He was a single dad raising his daughter and he was usually the only father at any of the school meetings. He was also a saddle maker looking for some help.

I told him I had done some leatherwork back when I was younger and asked if I could give it a go. He was happy to show me how to do a few of the small pieces he needed and I was happy to be doing something new and earning a little money too.

In January of 1999 I found a little two-bedroom one-bath house in town and began dividing our belongings. I like this chair, you take that one; the silverware was from your family, you take that; we have two of these, let’s split them up…and on and on.

Neither of us wanted the big sofa we had moved from home to home. I had it recovered somewhere in the ‘80s when pink and grey were in and it was so outdated and old at that point. It was in a small back room of the house and had taken about an hour to finagle it into that room.

Getting it out the same door was going to be equally as taxing.

So we decided to take a chainsaw to it. We cut it up and threw the pieces out a window. I can tell you it was so satisfying cutting that old sofa up. If felt symbolic of the end of our marriage.

There were just pieces of it now, discarded.

A few friends helped me move into my new place and it was fun setting up that little house. I had no idea how I would afford living in my new place; the rent was half my income.

And I had no idea that year would end up being the hardest time of my life.

 

…to be continued.

 

14 Comments

  1. I love the solution to just chainsaw the sofa apart! Done! Seriously though, I can feel both your pain and excitement at the same time in this post. I can only imagine how scary it must have been for all of you.

  2. Trudy Callan

    2017-10-19 at 09:05

    That’s great that you both tried to make it work and that you got along while dividing the things and sharing the children. I look forward to hearing more of the story about how that year went for you.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2017-10-19 at 09:06

      Thank you Trudy. It was so hard really. And it got much harder…

      • Trudy Callan

        2017-10-19 at 16:34

        You’re welcome. I’m sorry it was so hard. I’m glad you are on the other side.

  3. I can think of a lot of things it would have been nice to just take a chainsaw to! (oh, the ties that bind…)

  4. What a symbolic move for that couch, that had to be freeing in some way. Looking for the next installment.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2017-10-22 at 09:35

      It felt so good…and sad too

      • That can’t be easy, but looking back on it later, you’ll be able to feel a sense of relief from it I’m sure.

        • Loretta Sayers
          Loretta Sayers

          2017-10-22 at 11:14

          This happened years ago…it’s all good now. Thank you for reading and your comments! You are awesome 🙂

          • Well I’m glad you can discuss it, it gets easier as time goes on. My daughter’s father and I were never married, but we were on our own from when she was 6 months old. I know the feeling.

  5. mommyhon333

    2017-10-22 at 10:10

    I enjoy your reading yet it often takes me back to my own difficult days of separation and divorce and the struggles that followed. Knowing we were separating, the day I came home from work with my daughters to find their step-father had moved out was very painful. Looking around at what he had taken and what he had left behind said volumes.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2017-10-22 at 10:12

      I can not imagine how that must have felt. To be stripped of your power like that is truly unsettling. Thank you for reading…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

© 2017 Countdown to 60

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

%d bloggers like this: