Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Tag: fear (page 1 of 5)

The Dance – If you want him to move towards you – Step back

Let’s see….where did I leave off?

Oh yeah, with John running off. Can you believe after months of a friendship and then just one night together he ran?

I actually could. Predicted it even.

The good news: I knew John well enough at that point and suspected it would take a lot of patience if we were ever going to be anything more than friends.

The bad news: I was irritated by his behavior just the same. There was no reason to not meet for coffee or join me in a tennis game or go hiking. Something! But, nope, he wouldn’t meet up with me.

So I got busy with my own life. 

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If the Truth Hurts Then Shouldn’t it Come With a Warning Label?

After John and I had our one and only romantic evening, he was still texting me and sending me his columns, but all of a sudden he didn’t have time to meet for coffee or play tennis or get together at all.

So I got busy with my own life and plans and let John figure out his own issues.

Column 22 – If the Truth Hurts Then Shouldn’t it Come With a Warning Label?

(One of the things Loretta and I had in common was our love of family – we sort of lived for our kids. Continue reading

When “Just Friends” changes into something more

For those who have been following along on my blog you know when John and I first met, through online dating, we became “just friends”. We both started dating other people, but because of his columns that I was editing, we talked almost daily.

He would come over and sit on my deck and we’d talk for hours about our lives. We played tennis and met for coffee several times a week. We shared our stories with each other and helped each other through difficult breakups.

Just Friends

My favorite times together where when we sat on that deck and John talked about his childhood, his family and growing up. He had some of the funniest stories to share, and they found their way into his columns.

His readers loved it as much as I did. 

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Players Follow a Script – Just Makes Sure it’s Yours

John’s first column about Players…there would be more to come.

Players Follow a Script – Just Makes Sure it’s Yours

I was getting so many questions about ‘players’ I had to tackle the topic.

(And, I also wanted to get my thoughts on players across to Loretta).

I wanted women to worry less about whether he ‘is or isn’t’ and more about the part they play in the equation.

Here’s the truth: Women can be in control – for the most part – at the early stages of relationships because they have what we guys want. And I don’t mean just sex. Okay, I do mean sex – but I also mean what sex can lead to: A good, warm relationship with the right woman.

If you let us go too fast – like Betty – which we will do given the chance, the opportunity to slowly find out who each other is, and whether or not we fit, gets lost in the tussle.

If you just want a roll in the hay that’s fine – you go girl. But if you want more, then make him wait – like Loretta did.

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Romeo, Romeo…

I left off with my story telling you I had met a guy named Mike, who I started dating just before leaving for Florida to help my son, and his family, move. When I returned home, Romeo had dialed up the charm a notch…or two.

I thought I’d share with you what John wrote about that time, with a little commentary from me.

Here is an excerpt from his book, Romeo’s Dilemma

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Why do women compete with each other?

My husband has commented more than once, that women are very competitive. I usually get defensive and say something like, “No more than men!” And, I’m probably right (I usually am) that we don’t compete more, but we definitely compete differently than men.

John gets his need for competition satisfied on the soccer field. For him it’s almost a “have to” to keep him centered, and it also dissipates the desire to punch anyone. I wonder if women who play sports feel that way too?

Being a part of the rather large world of social media, I have seen my share of competition among the women there. And it reminds me of high school. Remember the mean girls in school who wanted to let you know at every turn that they were “better” than you?

Well they’ve graduated to social media. 

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What is ageism? What does it really mean?

The dictionary defines ageism as: “prejudice or discrimination on the basis of a person’s age”.

Strictly speaking, this could be bias of any age. But it is mostly directed at older people. And,I’ve experienced it myself.

Years ago, when I was 52, I started online dating…again. I was in great shape, looked good and felt even better. Putting up several headshots and full body photos I completed my profile on Match.com.

One of my profile photos – Taken by Carl Gooding Photography

I felt confident that I would be getting many emails, winks and requests to chat right away. But instead, what I got was crickets. Well, except for the occasional 70+ year old gentleman searching for love after the death of his wife.

Or worse, the 21-year-old looking for a MILF hookup. Continue reading

Dear little girl…

Tomorrow is a big day for me.

I don’t mean in the sense that something exciting is happening, or I’ve got a bunch of big plans. More in the way of it’s a calendar date that I never forget and always reflect on.

It was August 3, 1970 when the world changed for me. And for the last 48 years, it’s August 3rd that I still feel the pain of that day and our loss.

I know there are a whole lot of you reading this now, that know exactly how I feel. Losing a parent, especially when you are a child, is something you never fully “get over”.   Continue reading

Dear friends,

I had a whirlwind weekend, which culminated with finishing up my post from yesterday. I’m miles from home right now, wondering just how I top that post!

I packed up my car on Friday and headed north to visit my best friend, and go to a bridal shower. It was such a fun weekend, filled with women and family. I felt so at home and surrounded by love.

Between the laughter and fun and lots of food, I found a few moments to put the finishing touches on my first blog anniversary post. I schedule my posts to go live at 7 am Pacific time each day to keep some consistency.

So yesterday morning, my post was published at it’s usual time and I headed out the door just after, to drive five hours to Oregon to finish helping my son get his house unpacked.

Five hours is a long time to leave that kind of post hanging out there for the world to see, and me to just wonder how it would be received. I’ll admit, when I stopped at Starbucks to grab my coconut milk latte, I took a peek at the response it was getting.

I held my breath and opened my phone, and saw hundreds of likes and responses and comments and I was overwhelmed.

Quickly scrolling through them, I felt a sense of relief from all of the support and love.

Yeah, there were a few negative ones too, but that’s to be expected. I even deleted a couple. But all and all, most people reacted with kindness and support and encouragement.

My husband is so proud of me and absolutely loved the post. He kept telling me I should boost it and promote the hell out of it. But he also knew I was driving and wouldn’t have a lot of time for that.

So he decided to do that for me.

The funny thing is, Facebook wouldn’t let him promote the post because of the photo. As you know, I’m sitting on a stool, with my laptop in my lap, and well, nothing else.

If you think about it, I’m covered more than if I were in a bikini, but Facebook didn’t see it that way, which made me laugh.

Oh well.

I’m okay with not boosting or promoting or getting it out there. You have seen it. My readers and faithful followers are the ones I wanted to share it with.

Thank you….for so much,

          Loretta

 

My vulnerable year

One year ago I decided to let it all hang out, literally and figuratively.

In my first blog post I decided to “expose the truth” and get real. We live in this fast paced social media world filled with false beauty and unrealistic expectations, and I wanted to challenge that.

58 years old and out of shape

One year ago

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A job to do

I am a task-oriented person.

If a job needs to be done, I identify it, find a solution, and then go about getting it done.

It was easy to fix all of the things around me after Judd left. One by one, I got my life back and found peace in my little cottage by myself in Napa.

And as hard as it was, being by myself was exactly what I needed.

Working from home with no one else around, and living in an area where I had no family or friends created the perfect arena for some major reflection. But that’s not how I saw it at first.

I wasn’t just lonely – I was alone.

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I forgot my pillow

Sometimes when we travel, I like to bring my own pillow.

Silly, I know, but for whatever reason, it makes me feel comfortable. My pillows are all goose-down and super cozy, and I’m used to them.

Last week I jumped in the truck with my son, and we made our way to Oregon. I honestly wasn’t sure where I would be sleeping any given night, so I brought my favorite pillow along.

I’m glad I did too, because I used it when I came down with a head cold. That pillow was a soothing relief each night. Continue reading

Just push off – part two

Learning how to push-off in other ways…

My best friend trusted me to take care of her dog, and I lost him. I was desperate to find him so I ran and ran calling out for Chico, but saw no sign of him anywhere.

By the time I got back to the house, I was exhausted and in tears. How in the world was I going to tell my best friend I lost her beloved Chico?

I called the local Humane Society to report him missing. Bella sat next to me, looking at me with her big eyes, as I called the radio stations and local newspaper. Then I printed up fliers to post and hand out.

By this time, it was dark out and all I could think of was how was he going to stay warm and dry that night. Had someone picked him up and was he safe inside? Continue reading

Just push off – part one

Learning how to push-off…

Our little cottage in Napa was so nice, nestled on a hill, covered in trees. But because of its location, I had terrible cell service at home. So during that summer when I was dealing with Judd’s bizarre behavior, I’d take my phone and go for walks.

I would call my best friend and talk things over with her and find support and encouragement from her. And then I’d just walk for miles and miles, thinking.

I’ve always loved to hike and there have been many times in my life that walking was the only thing that kept me going. This was one of those times. My youngest son was training for a marathon and encouraged me to try running.

I laughed and said I never saw myself as a runner.

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Winter is coming – part one

It’s probably pretty cheesy to borrow that famous line from Game of Thrones, but it’s oh so perfect for the next part of my story.

Our first winter and spring in Napa would be polar opposites of our summer and fall. As good as things were it’s still hard for me to comprehend the about-face that was heading our way.

I left off telling you we started the summer with an important trip to the East Coast, and that trip was wonderful. My youngest son graduated from the Naval Academy, and the next day, married his high school sweetheart on the banks of the Severn River.

It was all so perfect and exciting.

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Drama and response triggers – how do you handle them?

I had a disturbing day yesterday, full of drama.

Being a part of an online community, all kinds of crazy things can happen. Most of them good, but every now and then, some “not so good” drama happens. Yesterday was one of those times.

As I said the other day, I started my own group to help bring other “over 50 year olds” together so we can get to know each other and grow our Instagram accounts. It took off immediately and I was overwhelmed with requests and questions.

I’ll admit I loved every minute of it. I’m okay with questions and helping and trying to figure out this crazy social media world. What I wasn’t prepared for was someone who didn’t like the way I was running things.

From day one, she was upset and no matter what I, or other members tried she was unhappy. I found myself spending hours everyday trying to fix it for her, only to have the same issue the next day. Continue reading

Out of the frying pan…

I moved to Bend, Oregon in 1978 and never dreamed that I’d end up staying for over 30 years. I was just 19 when I first arrived in that little town, and so much had changed over the years.

Especially me.

But by 2009, I couldn’t wait to leave. My kids were grown and off to start their own lives, my friendships had changed so much I could barely recognize them, and my business was no longer paying the bills.

It was time to move on.

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May 15th

I should back up a bit. I left out a lot of important details in yesterday’s post. Not sure why I skipped most of 2008 and went right to the end of that year.

Maybe because it was a year of change.

Working from my home office, early 2008

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Signs on the wall

Being a realtor during the housing crisis was definitely challenging.

I got my real estate license in 2002 and quickly worked my way to top producer. But by 2008 I was not only no longer a top producer, it was all I could do to make enough money to cover my costs of being a realtor.

Something had to give.

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Hey what ever happened to…

Have you noticed she stopped writing her story? I wonder what’s going on. I mean, she was all gung-ho sharing all the details of her life before. Over-sharing might even be a better way to put it.

So what’s going on now?

Sometimes life leaves you hanging

Honestly, I don’t even know what gives her the right to share this stuff anyway. First of all, who really cares? And secondly, why in the world would she want to put herself out there for the entire world to see?

Kind of silly, if you ask me.

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