Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Tag: healing (page 1 of 3)

You can’t have spring without going through winter- part 2

I walked back into the bar and up to John. We looked at each other and then held each other, crying. It was all so sad.

We talked as John walked me to my car. I told him I thought what he did was “shitty”. He didn’t like that word at all. It was odd, he just didn’t want me leaving thinking HE was a shitty person.

We said goodbye to each other and I headed home. That night I cried.

I cried for the loss of “us”. After all of the relationships I’d been in, and through each failed attempt, I’d learned more about myself and who I wanted in my life. I could see us fitting together.

But apparently John couldn’t. 

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You can’t have spring without going through winter

I’ve clearly been dragging my feet about sharing this next part of my (our) story. But here goes…

It was February 2012 when I had the unfortunate incident with my co-worker at the winery. It was also that incident that got me to pick up the phone and call John.

I knew I wanted to tell him and get his support and I’ll admit, even a hug. Which is exactly what I got.

Over the next three weeks we talked almost every day. We played tennis and hiked and went to coffee and dinners together. Just like we used to.

He was still busy driving back and forth to the valley to get his house ready for the new tenant. But most days we were doing something together.   Continue reading

The wrong place, part two – the fallout

I wanted to tell him to shut his ugly mouth, but instead an uncomfortable laugh came out. It’s what we do, you know, when a man much bigger and stronger has you trapped in his car while telling you just what he wants to do to  you.

The entire drive back from San Francisco to my house in Napa, I kept up a nervous banter with the drunken guy driving me home. The second he pulled into my driveway, I flung my car door open and ran out.

I was shaking when I locked the door behind me and watched him drive away.

The first person I called was John.  

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The wrong place…

After John’s flat-out, in my face, “NO, I don’t ever see us in a relationship” statement, I was a bit numb. I had to come to grips with the fact that not only did I had a bad picker, but my instincts were off.

You know what having a bad picker means right?

Yep, that was me, the president of the “can’t pick the right guy club”. And my instincts couldn’t have been more skewed if I was looking at the world upside down.

Most of all, I was mad.   Continue reading

Looking back – a great way to see just how far I’ve come

I was looking back at old posts I’ve written and came across this one. It made me cry!

Wow, have I come a long way. I don’t feel anything like this now and I’m so happy that I “kicked out the old tenant”.

I wrote this in August of 2017. Since then I’ve lost 20 pounds but more importantly, learned so much about myself. This blog is exactly what I needed. (Thank you for supporting me with it, John).

Me and John Oct. 2018
(photo: goirishphotog)

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A good day

This last Saturday I was lucky enough to be one of about 60 women led in meditation by Davidji. Have you heard of him?

Years ago when I started meditating I would listen to Deepak Chopra tapes to help me. Well, Davidji was Deepak’s lead educator and dean of his university for 10 years.

He is also the creator of the 21-day meditation process that Oprah swears by.

So, yeah, he’s a big deal. 

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What happens when women get together – FierceCon 2018

When I signed up to help coordinate the FierceCon event, I had no idea exactly what I had gotten myself into. Or how all consuming it would be in the end.

But I’m so glad I did.

When Catherine Grace O’Connell approached me with her plan for a weekend dedicated to bringing women together, I was intrigued. I’ve enjoyed meeting many of my online friends, and definitely wanted to get the chance to meet more.

But I also knew I’d be volunteering a lot of time and energy.  

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I am not…

This last weekend I helped coordinate a big event in Redondo Beach. It’s called FierceCon. The founder of The Forever Fierce Revolution, Catherine Grace O’Connell wanted to create an event to bring together women from her community.

From all over the world.

I wanted to write about my experience there, but when Linda Williams shared her experience with the group, I was moved beyond measure. I believe her words speak the truths of many of us there. Continue reading

Jump in, The Water’s Fine – Repost

A while back,  I shared a blog post called A Look Inside. I wrote about feeling off that day, and shared that I spent the day trying to understand why. I got a lot of very nice feedback on it, and several people shared some of their off moments with me too.

I like that so many people have commented and shown support. And I’m using several different platforms to share my blog, in hopes to reach people who can either relate, or just find my stories interesting.

I am also learning as I go, which is sort of the point of the blog. You know, reach 60 and be wise, healthy, happy and content. One thing I’m learning is that there is a bias towards sharing one emotion: Happiness.

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If the Truth Hurts Then Shouldn’t it Come With a Warning Label?

After John and I had our one and only romantic evening, he was still texting me and sending me his columns, but all of a sudden he didn’t have time to meet for coffee or play tennis or get together at all.

So I got busy with my own life and plans and let John figure out his own issues.

Column 22 – If the Truth Hurts Then Shouldn’t it Come With a Warning Label?

(One of the things Loretta and I had in common was our love of family – we sort of lived for our kids. Continue reading

When “Just Friends” changes into something more

For those who have been following along on my blog you know when John and I first met, through online dating, we became “just friends”. We both started dating other people, but because of his columns that I was editing, we talked almost daily.

He would come over and sit on my deck and we’d talk for hours about our lives. We played tennis and met for coffee several times a week. We shared our stories with each other and helped each other through difficult breakups.

Just Friends

My favorite times together where when we sat on that deck and John talked about his childhood, his family and growing up. He had some of the funniest stories to share, and they found their way into his columns.

His readers loved it as much as I did. 

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Dear little girl…

Tomorrow is a big day for me.

I don’t mean in the sense that something exciting is happening, or I’ve got a bunch of big plans. More in the way of it’s a calendar date that I never forget and always reflect on.

It was August 3, 1970 when the world changed for me. And for the last 48 years, it’s August 3rd that I still feel the pain of that day and our loss.

I know there are a whole lot of you reading this now, that know exactly how I feel. Losing a parent, especially when you are a child, is something you never fully “get over”.   Continue reading

My experience with Skin Needling, Micro-Needling, Collagen Induction Therapy

I mentioned before that I was a manager for a Day Spa, right? It was a fun job and I had a lot of “perks” too. I got free manicures and pedicures, facials, haircuts and color, but best of all, my best friend worked there too.

She was a very successful permanent makeup artist with a lot of clients. She also spent many, many years learning about skin and skin care. When she learned about, and was trained in, skin needling, (micro-needling and collagen induction therapy), she told me about it and wanted me to try it.

I said No.

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Dear friends,

I had a whirlwind weekend, which culminated with finishing up my post from yesterday. I’m miles from home right now, wondering just how I top that post!

I packed up my car on Friday and headed north to visit my best friend, and go to a bridal shower. It was such a fun weekend, filled with women and family. I felt so at home and surrounded by love.

Between the laughter and fun and lots of food, I found a few moments to put the finishing touches on my first blog anniversary post. I schedule my posts to go live at 7 am Pacific time each day to keep some consistency.

So yesterday morning, my post was published at it’s usual time and I headed out the door just after, to drive five hours to Oregon to finish helping my son get his house unpacked.

Five hours is a long time to leave that kind of post hanging out there for the world to see, and me to just wonder how it would be received. I’ll admit, when I stopped at Starbucks to grab my coconut milk latte, I took a peek at the response it was getting.

I held my breath and opened my phone, and saw hundreds of likes and responses and comments and I was overwhelmed.

Quickly scrolling through them, I felt a sense of relief from all of the support and love.

Yeah, there were a few negative ones too, but that’s to be expected. I even deleted a couple. But all and all, most people reacted with kindness and support and encouragement.

My husband is so proud of me and absolutely loved the post. He kept telling me I should boost it and promote the hell out of it. But he also knew I was driving and wouldn’t have a lot of time for that.

So he decided to do that for me.

The funny thing is, Facebook wouldn’t let him promote the post because of the photo. As you know, I’m sitting on a stool, with my laptop in my lap, and well, nothing else.

If you think about it, I’m covered more than if I were in a bikini, but Facebook didn’t see it that way, which made me laugh.

Oh well.

I’m okay with not boosting or promoting or getting it out there. You have seen it. My readers and faithful followers are the ones I wanted to share it with.

Thank you….for so much,

          Loretta

 

My vulnerable year

One year ago I decided to let it all hang out, literally and figuratively.

In my first blog post I decided to “expose the truth” and get real. We live in this fast paced social media world filled with false beauty and unrealistic expectations, and I wanted to challenge that.

58 years old and out of shape

One year ago

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I forgot my pillow

Sometimes when we travel, I like to bring my own pillow.

Silly, I know, but for whatever reason, it makes me feel comfortable. My pillows are all goose-down and super cozy, and I’m used to them.

Last week I jumped in the truck with my son, and we made our way to Oregon. I honestly wasn’t sure where I would be sleeping any given night, so I brought my favorite pillow along.

I’m glad I did too, because I used it when I came down with a head cold. That pillow was a soothing relief each night. Continue reading

Recover and restore

I’m sitting down to write at a beautiful, peaceful setting that I want to share with you. I helped my son move this week, and it was a bit stressful, but to top it off, I caught my husband’s cold (yes, I’m throwing you under the bus John).

For the last two days I’ve been surviving on DayQuil and NyQuil, which has helped, but I’m still having trouble breathing.

So I’m going to keep this short, and go lay back down for a little while.

Our trip up to Oregon was a good one, with our first stop at my best friends house. She had a wonderful meal prepared for us when we arrived and we were treated like family, as usual. Continue reading

Just push off – part two

Learning how to push-off in other ways…

My best friend trusted me to take care of her dog, and I lost him. I was desperate to find him so I ran and ran calling out for Chico, but saw no sign of him anywhere.

By the time I got back to the house, I was exhausted and in tears. How in the world was I going to tell my best friend I lost her beloved Chico?

I called the local Humane Society to report him missing. Bella sat next to me, looking at me with her big eyes, as I called the radio stations and local newspaper. Then I printed up fliers to post and hand out.

By this time, it was dark out and all I could think of was how was he going to stay warm and dry that night. Had someone picked him up and was he safe inside? Continue reading

Just push off – part one

Learning how to push-off…

Our little cottage in Napa was so nice, nestled on a hill, covered in trees. But because of its location, I had terrible cell service at home. So during that summer when I was dealing with Judd’s bizarre behavior, I’d take my phone and go for walks.

I would call my best friend and talk things over with her and find support and encouragement from her. And then I’d just walk for miles and miles, thinking.

I’ve always loved to hike and there have been many times in my life that walking was the only thing that kept me going. This was one of those times. My youngest son was training for a marathon and encouraged me to try running.

I laughed and said I never saw myself as a runner.

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Get a rhythm

Do I dare jinx it and say things are going well?

Finding my rhythm in life and work has helped me put all of the pieces together.

It took me a long time to find a diet that I felt good on. I’m thankful my daughter in law suggested the AIP diet, which lead me to discover a dairy intolerance.

And I’ve created a good balance between work and exercise and play, which has helped tremendously.

Last week I pulled another piece of the puzzle together and made sure to create a beautiful physical space to work in and relax and rejuvenate my soul.

Finding my rhythm

After almost a year of writing this blog, I finally found a rhythm that is working for me. I used to try to write, edit, find photos, and post all in the same day. The pressure would get to me, and I’d feel like I had to hurry to get a post in.

Well, that wasn’t very smart!

Things are going pretty good…there, I said it. And, yeah, it won’t stay this way, because it never does. But that’s okay. I’ll go with the flow and enjoy the ride just the same.

Thanks for your support and doing this with me!

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