Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Tag: life (page 1 of 5)

Ne’er-do-well

I’m sick.

Not like flu sick, more of just a chest/head cold. It’s not too bad, and I’m able to function well enough to take care of myself. But chores like laundry and dishes or cooking are a strain.

I’m even struggling to write, which is why I missed my post yesterday. Instead, I posted a picture on Instagram and Facebook. I put up a photo of me on my bike and asked a question: Do you workout if you’re feeling sick?

I feel like I'm lazy if I'm not doing something

I got a lot of great comments and it was fun just laying in bed reading and answering them. It was also interesting to see a pattern, not only from readers, but also from me.

Almost everyone said to just take the day off and lay low. Don’t exercise when you’re sick. Which was probably what I wanted to hear anyway.

I’m pretty sure the reason I was looking for that affirmation is because I feel guilty if I’m not working out and instead just lying around. Wait, let me change that statement…

I feel guilty if I’m laying around doing nothing.

I didn’t feel guilty last week when I was on the road with John having fun and getting very little exercise in. So why do I feel guilty not working out if I’m sick?

Good question.

When I got to thinking about it, one word came to mind: lazy. When I was growing up, lazy was just about the worst thing to be labeled. Especially if it came out of my Mother’s mouth.

It didn’t bother her so much that we were poor. She didn’t care if someone called us “Cherry pickers”, or commented that we were getting Army Surplus food. Nope, there were two things that stand out in my mind of the utmost importance to her.

We were clean and hard-working.

We always went to school with clean clothes on, and our faces scrubbed. And the minute we got home, there were chores to do. Even once the chores and homework were done, we didn’t get to sit around.

“Get outside and play before I find something for you to do” would be the next words we would hear. There would be no lazing around. And this was ingrained into our souls.

So to this day, I hear that voice telling me to get up and get stuff done. It is better to be playing than to be lazy. At 58, I am still controlled by my mother who has been dead for over 47 years.

Which is why I needed a bunch of other voices telling me it was okay to lay low. I’d like to say, next time I’ll do better and won’t listen to my Mom, but that’s probably not going to happen.

I’m still not feeling well today, but I better get going and get the laundry done. I’ve got three piles sitting here in front of me, and like Mom used to say, “They are not going to wash themselves, you know.”

Are you good at laying low if you're sick?

No being lazy!

The road less traveled

My husband’s job is in outside sales. Because of that, he is on the road a lot. Most weeks he’s gone three or four days, traveling around southern California, into Nevada and Arizona. It’s a good job for him, because he’s a bit of a wanderer anyway.

It’s good for me too, because I get time to myself to do my own thing. That, and the toilet seat’s down the entire week. But there are times I like to tag along with him. And that’s what we did this week.

It was fun riding shotgun and taking in the views along the drive. Continue reading

The perfect arrangement

Looking out my window I could see the top of a crocus poking up through the snow. I took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. Spring was finally here.

Still in my jammies and slippers, I grabbed my cup of coffee and headed to my computer to check my email. My little dog, Bella, reluctantly followed me knowing I would turn on the small space heater in front of her bed by my desk.

This had become our routine together. I was 46, single and my best buddy and roommate was a four-pound Chihuahua. She curled up with me each night, ate next to me each day, and loved me unconditionally.

It was a perfect arrangement. Continue reading

What if you found out, and judged me? That was my fear.

I stood on my front porch steps looking down on him. He had come over to talk to me. To talk some sense into me. When I saw his car pull into the driveway, I met him outside.

I didn’t want to invite him in.

This was my home, the one I purchased, by myself. It had become my sanctuary as well as my hideout. And I didn’t want to invite him in.

It’s odd, I can’t recall the words I said to him, but I know they were hurtful. Never in my life had I said such painful truths to someone so easily. But the words just came out without any hesitation.

“It was a mistake, and I want a divorce.” He responded with words like, ‘but’ and ‘what-about’ and ‘please’, to which I answered, “No I don’t want to give it more time.” Continue reading

Happiness

Things are going pretty good in my life right now. You may have noticed, if you’ve been following me on one of my social media platforms. And, I’m grateful for this moment in time.

It’s not always like this, and I know it won’t last either. I’m not being negative or looking for trouble, I just know life is ever-changing. We go through good times, sometimes not even noticing how great those moments are, until we hit a low and wonder what the hell happened.

I’ve been through some very difficult, unhappy times in life. And man have I gone down the wrong path…more than once. I’m pretty sure I’ve known I was heading the wrong direction and saw warning signs, which I completely ignored.

Wonder why I do that?

Continue reading

Better After 50?

Why can’t we all just get along?

I wouldn’t call myself a peacemaker, really. I’d even go so far as to say I’m more of an antagonist. But I find myself wondering why we can’t seem to get along with each other these days.

I’ve been following an online magazine called Better After 50 for a while now, (since they published a couple of my posts). I like the title, believing that we are “better after 50”.

They post all kinds of articles ranging from fashion to fitness, family, home, travel and relationships. One of the writers for the magazine packed it all up and decided to sail the world with her partner. Pretty cool, huh? Continue reading

Let’s do this together video – kindness

Check out today’s video…

Have you ever heard of needle abrasion? It’s a great way to get a boost from your own collagen and help your skin look smoother and clearer. I am lucky enough to have a best friend that specializes in it.

I visited her on Monday and we had a great time shopping and going to lunch. Just before I had to leave, she offered to take care of my skin. How kind of her! Continue reading

No matter what

Have you ever had a moment of complete and utter clarity? Or maybe a time in your life, when you could see exactly where you were and what you were doing, and felt shocked in the realization?

That moment came to me the day I was moving into my newly purchased ‘70’s house with the help of my best friend, Estelle and oldest son, Adam. Oh, and my husband of five months.

I stood in the kitchen feeling like a giant weight had been lifted off me, only to be replaced by an enormous sense of dread. As soon as my girlfriend saw me, she went into action.

Sitting me down on a nearby box, she asked me in a very calm, quiet voice, “What’s wrong.” All I could say through my hyperventilation was,

“I made a mistake, I made a mistake, I made a mistake.”

Continue reading

A dream come true, part two…waking up from the dream

I’m a bit snobby about myself. From the time I was little, I had this idea that I would be somebody, go places, or change the world. I pushed myself to do things other people wouldn’t and I kept going, no matter what.

We don't know what life lessons will come our way when we are so young.

We don’t know what life lessons will come our way when we are so young. Me in 4th grade, in my homemade dress.

Maybe we all feel that way?

Perhaps we are born with a sense of self-importance, and it isn’t until life lessons teach us that we are all basically the same, that we learn to accept our own insignificance? I wrote before that I never thought I’d be “one of those women”.

But there I was, dating a man who was verbally and emotionally abusive. You would have thought I’d learned enough from that experience to humble me, but apparently I needed another lesson…or two.

To this day, I am uncomfortable even saying his name.

Continue reading

A dream come true…

In 2004, my real estate career had sky rocketed, so for Thanksgiving break I took my sons on a vacation to Mexico. Just the three of us.

We had a blast.

It was the very first time I have ever taken a vacation when money wasn’t an issue. Growing up poor in Michigan, and struggling financially all through my marriage, money was always an issue, even on vacations.

This time, we did anything and everything we wanted to do. My oldest son had graduated and through his persistence and tenacity, landed his dream job on a top fuel drag racing team. He was making good money, and had nowhere to spend it.

I remember getting to the hotel in Mexico, and he and I putting thousands of dollars in the safe, both feeling like we had “made it”. That vacation will go down as an all time favorite for all of us. Continue reading

A series of events, part two

There’s a term used to describe parents whose kids have left home: Empty Nester. It is such a big deal for so many, there are Facebook and support groups to help parents transition to an empty nest.

But in the early 2000’s Facebook wasn’t around. And I still had my youngest son home, so I thought everything was fine. I was busy with my real estate business and he was busy with school.

I don’t think I recognized the affect the process of having my sons leave home was slowly having on me. They say once your kids hit high school, it will feel like a moment has passed before they have graduated and are off on their own.

I have to agree with that.

It was 2004 when my son was in eleventh grade, preparing for entry into the Naval Academy when things started unraveling for me.

Continue reading

Finding courage

My oldest son graduated from high school in 2002. Which was the same year I got my real estate license, and the same year things started to change for me.

Recovering from divorce takes time, and money. I had spent the time healing from it, taking care not to drink or do anything destructive. That is except date a guy who was destructive.

How I missed the signs of emotional abuse from the beginning is beyond me.

He was an angry controlling man who lashed out at me and his daughter. What a complete mess I was in. I wrote before that it would take three events for me to finally break free of him. Continue reading

Finding my way

When 2000 rolled around, I was a 40-year-old single mother of two teenage boys, starting over with no education or career. My job had been, stay-at-home mom, helper, maid, taxi service, farmer and wife for a lot of years. Starting over was not going to be a cakewalk.

At the time I thought 40 was old, or at the very least on the verge of old. I was embarrassed to be starting over at such a rip old age. Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back and tell that young lady a few things. Now I’m closing in on 60 and trying very hard not to see myself as old again.

starting over at age 40

Continue reading

Authenticity is the new buzz word, and I believe a new online movement as well.

Last week, a woman I follow on social media posted a story and video of herself that completely changed my view of her. She is beautiful, stylish, upbeat and lives in a beach town. My view of her was, “how lucky”. I only saw one side of her, that is until after her video.  Continue reading

Pieces of the puzzle, part two

…continued from Pieces of the Puzzle

After yesterdays post it took three siblings and me to piece together the sequence of events from that time. I was off by a year. The years following our mother’s death was a blur of disappointment.

But it was 3am Christmas morning, 1971 that our father called my sister Janet downstairs to take him to the hospital. She was just 16 and the only one at home with a driver’s license.  Continue reading

Pieces of the puzzle

I’m learning that my life is analogous to a big jigsaw puzzle. All of the pieces are there, but not together. And to make it even more difficult, I don’t have a picture to go off.

Photo by Hans Peter Gauster

Photo courtesy of Hans Peter Gauster

You are helping me find the picture. Continue reading

I can fix it

Just before my 40th birthday, I got a job in sales for a local furniture/interior decorations store, in a big two story building in the heart of downtown Bend.

It was a bit surreal to be working downtown after all of these years. The last time I’d worked there, was in 1978 when I was 19. Part of starting over after a divorce is taking a step backwards. For me, this was a giant step backwards. Continue reading

How I became one of those women

I’ve written before that 1999 was a difficult year for me. I moved, divorced, lost friends, changed jobs, had surgery and turned 40. It was a big year.

When I moved from my farm into town I went from 20 acres, a 3,000 square foot home, a shop and barn, lots of animals and spectacular views, to a 900 square foot home on a tiny lot, a carport and one dog. We split the dogs up when we got a divorce, but the kids came with me.

So I learned how to share a bathroom with teenage boys, make the best of our small house and go for walks in the park that was just a block away. I was finding my way again in the world, and it was exciting and scary.

Continue reading

Sunday Sharing – Blogger Recognition Award 2017 Acceptance

I am honored to be nominated for the 2017 Blogger Recognition Award from Jaimi of Pockets Full of Daisies. 

Jaimi lives in Essex, England with her husband, 4-year old daughter Mia, their dog and three runner ducks! I was intrigued with the three ducks, so I checked her blog out. She writes about their family adventures, food, crafts, positive energy and spirituality. Check out her blog, there’s lots of fun projects and good information. Continue reading

The First One

I absolutely loved every minute of being pregnant. It helped being 24, fit and in great health. I was ready to be a mom, and when the test came back positive, I was overjoyed.

A few people told me I was too young, but in my heart I was ready. I’d read all of the books and followed every instruction to take excellent care of my body.

Pregnant with first born son

 

The due date was set for January 10, 1984, but my little one was ready early. On the morning of December 30th, I knew I was going to meet my first child that day. As it turned out, my husband and I had sold a home two years prior and our taxes would be due in 1983 on the sale. Our son showed up in the nick of time for us to declare him as a dependent for that year, essentially cancelling out any owed taxes.

And that pretty much sums up our first son. He’s a bit of a rescuer. But I’m getting ahead of myself; let me back up a bit.

Continue reading

Older posts

© 2018 Countdown to 60

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

%d bloggers like this: