Introspective Adventurer

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Tag: loss

Counting up to 60 and what I learned – the second decade

I remember thinking when my oldest son turned 10, in the same amount of time he will be a man. The decade between 10 and 20 holds so many changes, and I was no exception to the rule.

I have shared before that my mom died when I was 11, and that I think of my life as “before she died” and “after she died”. The few years after her death were some of my hardest.

Not only was I dealing with the loss of my mother but by 12 my period started and my emotions were all over the board. I was either completely lost in thought or crying.

Puberty can be hell for so many of us and my personal experience was compounded by loss and sorrow. Worst of all, about the only thing I knew about having a period was I had to use those giant pads from the 1960’s my mom had used.

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A sense of loss

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind for me. I cut my hair short; we went north to San Francisco to celebrate our anniversary, we went south to Murrieta courtesy of Explore Murrieta and then we spent last weekend celebrating our granddaughter’s 6th birthday.

Whew, I’m tired just writing that.

I shared my last two weeks on social media and out of everything I posted, getting my hair cut got the most attention. Especially when one week after cutting it super short, I shared that I had major regrets about it.

The overwhelming response was encouragement and support. A few pretty much told me to get over it as it will grow back. To which I wanted to respond, “Duh.” That was not the point of sharing my fear and remorse.

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Dear little girl…

Tomorrow is a big day for me.

I don’t mean in the sense that something exciting is happening, or I’ve got a bunch of big plans. More in the way of it’s a calendar date that I never forget and always reflect on.

It was August 3, 1970 when the world changed for me. And for the last 48 years, it’s August 3rd that I still feel the pain of that day and our loss.

I know there are a whole lot of you reading this now, that know exactly how I feel. Losing a parent, especially when you are a child, is something you never fully “get over”.   Continue reading

I forgot my pillow

Sometimes when we travel, I like to bring my own pillow.

Silly, I know, but for whatever reason, it makes me feel comfortable. My pillows are all goose-down and super cozy, and I’m used to them.

Last week I jumped in the truck with my son, and we made our way to Oregon. I honestly wasn’t sure where I would be sleeping any given night, so I brought my favorite pillow along.

I’m glad I did too, because I used it when I came down with a head cold. That pillow was a soothing relief each night. Continue reading

Just push off – part two

Learning how to push-off in other ways…

My best friend trusted me to take care of her dog, and I lost him. I was desperate to find him so I ran and ran calling out for Chico, but saw no sign of him anywhere.

By the time I got back to the house, I was exhausted and in tears. How in the world was I going to tell my best friend I lost her beloved Chico?

I called the local Humane Society to report him missing. Bella sat next to me, looking at me with her big eyes, as I called the radio stations and local newspaper. Then I printed up fliers to post and hand out.

By this time, it was dark out and all I could think of was how was he going to stay warm and dry that night. Had someone picked him up and was he safe inside? Continue reading

Just push off – part one

Learning how to push-off…

Our little cottage in Napa was so nice, nestled on a hill, covered in trees. But because of its location, I had terrible cell service at home. So during that summer when I was dealing with Judd’s bizarre behavior, I’d take my phone and go for walks.

I would call my best friend and talk things over with her and find support and encouragement from her. And then I’d just walk for miles and miles, thinking.

I’ve always loved to hike and there have been many times in my life that walking was the only thing that kept me going. This was one of those times. My youngest son was training for a marathon and encouraged me to try running.

I laughed and said I never saw myself as a runner.

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We can’t accept your check

I left you hanging, I know. I’ve actually tried continuing my story several times now. But I keep getting stuck.

I hated that time in my life and honestly it’s hard to look back now, knowing what happens. But the other morning, when I was thinking about it all, I remembered two important things

I got through it and survived.  And, I learned an amazing life lesson

So, I’ve decided to just write and go from there. I left off telling you I was neck-deep in bills and my income had plummeted. I had two mortgage payments and was desperately trying to save my homes.

As I sat at my big dining room table, looking at all of the bills that were covering its surface and I made the decision to let my dream house go. The mortgage was twice as much as my old ‘70’s house, so the smart thing to do was to move back into it and try to stop the bleeding. Continue reading

Surrounded

This last week has been a busy one, full of surprises and change. For the first time since starting my blog, I have actually missed a few days of posts. It doesn’t matter how carefully I plan things out, life can get hectic and have unexpected twists and turns.

I was able to get a few posts on my FaceBook page and Instagram account to update those who follow me there. But I’ve not had a free moment to post here on my blog.

My intention was to have several posts done and ready, but Mother Nature had other ideas.

Surrounded by fire…

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That sinking feeling

What would you do without your cell phone?

I lost my phone yesterday. In the Pacific Ocean. I’m usually very careful with it and I even knew putting it in a loose pocket while at the beach wasn’t a smart idea. Continue reading

Sunday Sharing – Rocking Midlife with Cat Coluccio

I have been fortunate to meet so many amazing bloggers online, and Cat Coluccio has proven to be an exceptional treasure indeed. The more I learn about her, the more impressed I am. She gives us a taste of her background on her Rocking Midlife blog… Continue reading

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