My oldest son graduated from high school in 2002. Which was the same year I got my real estate license, and the same year things started to change for me.
Recovering from divorce takes time, and money. I had spent the time healing from it, taking care not to drink or do anything destructive. That is except date a guy who was destructive.
How I missed the signs of emotional abuse from the beginning is beyond me.
He was an angry controlling man who lashed out at me and his daughter. What a complete mess I was in. I wrote before that it would take three events for me to finally break free of him. Continue reading
When 2000 rolled around, I was a 40-year-old single mother of two teenage boys, starting over with no education or career. My job had been, stay-at-home mom, helper, maid, taxi service, farmer and wife for a lot of years. Starting over was not going to be a cakewalk.
At the time I thought 40 was old, or at the very least on the verge of old. I was embarrassed to be starting over at such a rip old age. Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back and tell that young lady a few things. Now I’m closing in on 60 and trying very hard not to see myself as old again.
starting over at age 40
Is that even possible, to have more than one best friend? Isn’t it by definition a singular position?
I spent today with my best friend, Estelle. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year and I was so excited to see her. Wow, that does not seem possible. She lives part-time in Southern California, just two hours from me, so how did we not see each other in so long?
The good news is it doesn’t really matter how long it’s been. We pick up right where we left off and don’t skip a beat. We’ve known each other for a very long time and are like sisters even. Continue reading
Authenticity is the new buzz word, and I believe a new online movement as well.
Last week, a woman I follow on social media posted a story and video of herself that completely changed my view of her. She is beautiful, stylish, upbeat and lives in a beach town. My view of her was, “how lucky”. I only saw one side of her, that is until after her video. Continue reading
…continued from Pieces of the Puzzle
After yesterdays post it took three siblings and me to piece together the sequence of events from that time. I was off by a year. The years following our mother’s death was a blur of disappointment.
But it was 3am Christmas morning, 1971 that our father called my sister Janet downstairs to take him to the hospital. She was just 16 and the only one at home with a driver’s license. Continue reading
I’m learning that my life is analogous to a big jigsaw puzzle. All of the pieces are there, but not together. And to make it even more difficult, I don’t have a picture to go off.
Photo courtesy of Hans Peter Gauster
You are helping me find the picture. Continue reading
I know I should be writing today’s post, and I even knew what I wanted to write, but I’m distracted. Partly emotionally, and partly because of working on travel arrangements for next month.
I’m not sure if it’s just me, or if you experience the same thing. This time of year can be a little difficult for me. Maybe it’s the shorter days, or the upcoming holidays that affect my mood. But today I’m not my usual chipper self. Continue reading
Just before my 40th birthday, I got a job in sales for a local furniture/interior decorations store, in a big two story building in the heart of downtown Bend.
It was a bit surreal to be working downtown after all of these years. The last time I’d worked there, was in 1978 when I was 19. Part of starting over after a divorce is taking a step backwards. For me, this was a giant step backwards. Continue reading
I’ve written before that 1999 was a difficult year for me. I moved, divorced, lost friends, changed jobs, had surgery and turned 40. It was a big year.
When I moved from my farm into town I went from 20 acres, a 3,000 square foot home, a shop and barn, lots of animals and spectacular views, to a 900 square foot home on a tiny lot, a carport and one dog. We split the dogs up when we got a divorce, but the kids came with me.
So I learned how to share a bathroom with teenage boys, make the best of our small house and go for walks in the park that was just a block away. I was finding my way again in the world, and it was exciting and scary.
I learned about science as a kid, and sometimes first hand. We were that poor family who had old cars on our property and I would play in them at times. Like the old DeSoto that had a steering wheel so big I could sit in it and roll from side to side swinging myself about.
That old car also had a few things stored in it. There was an old musty army tent taking up the entire back seat, and one day it caught fire. The sun had hit the back window, which acted like a magnifying glass and set the tent to blaze.
Which almost happened to my face this morning. Continue reading
I hate that I don’t have a dishwasher. We live in a house that’s about 120 years old. It’s a Victorian that got converted into apartments years ago. Our place was the main living area of the house. There’s a big living room with large pocket doors to the now kitchen.
The kitchen was not the original and has this one tiny countertop with one sink in it. That’s it. I had to buy an island so I would have a surface to prepare food on. Oh, and the bathroom…it’s right next to that one sink.
I have been fortunate to meet so many amazing bloggers online, and Cat Coluccio has proven to be an exceptional treasure indeed. The more I learn about her, the more impressed I am. She gives us a taste of her background on her Rocking Midlife blog… Continue reading
When my husband and I made the decision to separate and divorce we agreed we were going to be the couple that could do it the right way. What we hope for and what becomes reality can be quite different.
I’ve heard it said that whatever you are fighting about during your marriage is also what you fight about during the divorce. I had no idea just what a fight I was in for. We couldn’t agree on anything. Continue reading
Getting a divorce after 18 years of marriage and having two kids is not an easy thing to do.
And it hurts. A lot. For everyone involved.
For that reason, it was extremely important for us to try everything we could to repair our marriage. I’m proud of the fact that we tried to find the answers, for years. It was no easy decision to end it and wasn’t taken lightly by either of us. But once the decision was finally made, a new set of problems arose. Continue reading
When I started my blog in July of this year, I spent a lot of time looking for other midlife women who were a part of the blogging world.
I came upon a wonderful group called The Fierce Fifty, which I joined right away. There are so many fabulous women over 50 in the group that I felt I had found my people.
But then a funny thing happened.
How did you get your name?
I’m way, way down the list of a long line of kids my parents had. All of my siblings have common Irish names; Steve, Janet, John Henry, David, etc. There are also a lot of males in my family, so by the time my Mom was pregnant with me, she was ready for another girl. And she had the name picked out.
I discovered a wonderful post from Just Chillin with Carrie and Kat this week, and I’d like to share it with you.
They are also new to the blogging scene, but have quickly made a name for themselves. I love how they introduce their blog and invite us to join in:
“Welcome to Chillin With Carrie and Kat..Just like our name sounds please pull up a cozy chair, a blanket if it’s chilly or open the window if it’s a warm summer night and Chill with us. We will be offering tips and resources we have learned about being a Newbie Blogger. Reviews about wine, wineries and all things associated with wining and dining. Lastly, we will share our thoughts, desires, and discoveries about being Women who are hitting their Mid Life Stride.”
I’ve been called out a few times for sharing too much here on my blog. Every time this happens it shakes me slightly. I start to question my motives, and self-doubt creeps in. Which is interesting, because working through self-doubt is really why I’m doing this.
Most of my life I’ve been told to be quiet and keep my ‘dirty laundry’ hidden. Other people have told me how I should be acting, what I should be saying, how I am supposed to think, and even how I’m supposed to look.
I want to stay on the farm…at least in my memory. Continuing the story is going to be hard for me. There are things that I’m embarrassed about, or wish I would have done differently. And most of those happened after we sold the farm.
If you’ve been reading along, you already know my marriage was pretty rocky right from the start. I can’t pin point one thing or say I know exactly what happened, it was more of a chipping away. After many years of this, there was nothing left to save.
At least that’s how I felt about it. I know my husband felt differently.
I’ve always been more of the “destination” type of person versus the “journey” sort. I just want to get there, as fast as I can. I’m learning to change that slowly, partly thanks to my husband.
If there is a long way to get somewhere, he will find it. That man loves taking the back roads. Most times when we would get a chance to go visit our granddaughters, who lived about three and a half hours away, it would be a journey. A few times when my daughter in law would text me to find out our ETA, I would send back just two words “John’s driving”. She knew to tack an extra half hour on to our arrival time.