Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

When “Just Friends” changes into something more

For those who have been following along on my blog you know when John and I first met, through online dating, we became “just friends”. We both started dating other people, but because of his columns that I was editing, we talked almost daily.

He would come over and sit on my deck and we’d talk for hours about our lives. We played tennis and met for coffee several times a week. We shared our stories with each other and helped each other through difficult breakups.

Just Friends

My favorite times together where when we sat on that deck and John talked about his childhood, his family and growing up. He had some of the funniest stories to share, and they found their way into his columns.

His readers loved it as much as I did. 

He shared with me his time in the Air Force Honor Guard. Pride flowed from him when he spoke of those days. I loved hearing about the close friendships he still had with several of the guys he was in the service with.

John and his friends from the Honor Guard

We talked about love and getting married and how happy he had been with his little family. I read somewhere that Irish men mate for life. I could tell John would have stayed in his marriage until death did them apart.

Family

But that’s not always how things work out.

Listening to the anguish he clearly still felt, sharing the details of his divorce, his hurt tugged at my heart. The man he spoke of – the married guy with the two kids – seemed so different from the one sitting there on my deck.

When I mentioned this to him, he said, “That guy is gone, and I don’t see him ever coming back.” I knew what he was saying was, ‘don’t get any ideas, I’m not a keeper’. And I think he truly meant that too.

John did his best to keep up the façade of being the happy-go-lucky player who just wanted to have a good time and move on. He was convinced that was his path in life now, and repeated to me several times that he was “a loner”.

It wasn’t just his divorce that had him believing this. No, he had his share of hard knock relationships and we had way more in common on that front than either of us cared to admit.

He dated a woman like my “Rob”, fell in love with one like “Judd” and almost married that one. Each time a relationship failed he had another example of “relationships don’t work out”… we were polar opposites on that mark.

A true romantic at heart,

I knew my person was out there every bit as much as John knew there was no one for him. We had heated discussions on the matter of love, with John holding fast to his belief, and me to mine.

After careful examination of our respective relationships, I determined that John consistently picked girls that wouldn’t work out. This would further bolster his claim that he was a loner.

Where I was sure every relationship I was in would work out, but when it didn’t I was quick to move on, because I knew my person was waiting for me…somewhere.

So I still have to wonder how one night sitting on my sofa talking together, our hands touched and we both felt a spark that would change our lives forever.

 

10 Comments

  1. Love that you are sharing your story. I am so glad that the two of you found each other.

    Kim

  2. I just love your (plural) story. x

  3. Well, something I can tell in online romance now day, too many people want to be hit over the head in the first encounter, and make a decision almost right away, but of course it takes time to know a person, and most people miss a great chance by not getting to know someone beyond first meetings.

    We all should know that first impressions may not be the way to judge a person, and the reason why so many couples who hit it on the first date, may find out themselves disappointed after.

    I am glad you guys took the time. 🙂

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-09-04 at 17:32

      Thank you Brigido, I so agree with you. We live in a fast pace world and are used to instant gratification. Unfortunately, that spills over in our love lives too!

  4. Kay Turner

    2018-09-04 at 20:22

    I love both yours and John’s styles of writing – very conversational with an easy flow. You bring us in close and hold us there, spellbound. So enjoyable, and I’m thrilled that you found one another.

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, in this wild thing called, “life”. Can’t wait for the next episode.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-09-04 at 20:33

      Kay, thank you for that. When I first met John, I so enjoyed his writing and it was a wonderful way to get to know him.

      Xx

  5. Oh wow, what a great post! Thank you for sharing this! It is a story that is fresh and new yet as timeless as the sunset.

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