Loretta's Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

You can’t have spring without going through winter- part 2

I walked back into the bar and up to John. We looked at each other and then held each other, crying. It was all so sad.

We talked as John walked me to my car. I told him I thought what he did was “shitty”. He didn’t like that word at all. It was odd, he just didn’t want me leaving thinking HE was a shitty person.

We said goodbye to each other and I headed home. That night I cried.

I cried for the loss of “us”. After all of the relationships I’d been in, and through each failed attempt, I’d learned more about myself and who I wanted in my life. I could see us fitting together.

But apparently John couldn’t. 

I cried because I knew this time it was over between us. I cried until I finally fell asleep at 2:00 in the morning.

Waking up at 7:00 because I had to go to work at the winery, the first message on my phone was from John. It read, “I didn’t want to wake up this morning because I didn’t want last night to be real.

I ignored it and got ready for work.

As the day went on there were more messages. He left his house and just started walking. He kept walking and walking, occasionally pausing to send me a message.

He went on the same walk we had done together, and each stop he sent me a photo and a message. The first one read:

“I asked the fish what was wrong with me – but she wasn’t interested in talking to me right now. “

and then

“So I asked the duck what was wrong me. She asked me back: “Since I like ducks why do I throw rocks at them to chase them away?”

I refused to message back.

Then I got: “Then I asked the lizard what I should do. She said that I was being selfish because you make my life better than it would be without you in it.”

This kept up for hours until my shift was almost over. As I was getting into my car to go home, the phone rang. It was John.

I answered, “What do you want?”

He said he wanted to talk to me and asked if he could come over. Without even a thought, I said yes.

When he arrived, I wouldn’t let him into my house, but said we could chat on my deck. I didn’t want him in my personal space anymore.

I sat quietly, not saying a word and looked at him straight in the eye. He looked like hell. Finally I asked again, “What do you want, John?”

He said he just wanted us to be friends again. When I told him it was too late for that and I would not got back to being friends, he then asked:

“Okay, would you be my girlfriend, then?”

What the hell did that mean? He told me that for him, the thought of actually being in a relationship again, scared the living daylights out of him. But he was willing to “go there” if it meant I would be in his life.

That was the first day of spring.

 

9 Comments

  1. jodie filogomo

    2018-11-28 at 08:38

    It’s about time….I’ve been wanting to slap him silly for these last posts. It’s a good thing I know the happy ending or I might be mad at him.
    OXOX
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-11-28 at 08:39

      I know what you mean Jodie! I told him I didn’t want to write this part of our story because everyone would be mad at him! lol

  2. Yes John! YES! Oh thank God. It’s crazy, even though I knew it was all going to work out I was still on the edge of my seat. But finally, he got there. Phew! Just reading it has been an emotional roller-coaster.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-11-28 at 16:29

      Wendy….it was such a roller-coaster for me at the time!! I wanted to be sure my readers felt the same thing!

      Thank you, as always for reading. Xx

  3. Thank goodness for that…he got there eventually!

  4. Im reading this on the London Underground – SOBBING 😭 People around me looking awkward – 2 builder guys shifting uncomfortably in their seats… Nobody asking why the tears…

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      2018-11-29 at 07:32

      Awww…thank you for sharing this. And, yep…tears kind of scare people.

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